The red card that changed how I coach.

During a heated match, one of my players was assaulted on the field and the referee gave nothing. I stormed onto the pitch, shouting at my own player and at the referee. I was sent off, and in the chaos that followed a substitution was mishandled.

Looking back, the problem was simple to name. I had lost self-control, and once I lost it I stopped making good decisions. Performance is potential minus interference. That day, the interference was me.

Treating it like any other part of the job

So I worked on it the way I would work on anything else in my coaching. I took an emotional intelligence assessment from the Institute for Health and Human Potential. It showed where I was strong and where I needed work.

The most useful recommendation was also the least technical: take time to reflect on what brings the most meaning to my life, and line my goals up with it. I also learned to stop and appreciate what I had achieved, and the work behind it, before moving straight on to the next goal. That pause helped me manage pressure and stay motivated, which is most of what self-regulation means in practice.

The same test, again

Then the same situation came round again. After a run of dubious calls, one of our players was sent off in circumstances very like the day I was. This time I stayed calm.

I looked at the game state, the time left and the players I had available, and set us up in a 1-5-3-1 mid-block to defend the key spaces and break in transition. The players carried it out.

What changed was my ability to manage myself, and that is what made the tactical decision possible. It's also why self-control is planned into my training week, for my players and for me.

Adapted from How emotional intelligence transformed my coaching, first published on the HeadCoach blog. More writing.